I can see my dreams fly away into the sunset

I always get emotional in the autumn, like a lot of us do. But now it has suddenly turned and I'm so emotional now, in the spring/early summer. Litteraly, the tears are pouring down my cheeks in this very moment. Everything is going down down down down right now and I don't know how much more I can take. I barely have no friends left, they get boyfriends and then suddenly their friends do not exist, everything at home is so wrong, I long for someone that I could talk to about everything-a boyfriend in other words(which do not exist in my world) and I've known for so long that my dreams of making a life in USA never going to happen. If I could I would just take of in this very moment and don't come back for a very long time. I feel so jealous of everyone who's born in the states, I always ask myself ''Why couldn't I be born in the states? For just one time, could life go my way and not the other way around?!''..

Life will never go my way, I just know. I will never have the life I long for..my dreams will never come true and I have no one else but myself to blame..

Lalalala

I have a real passion for music. I love to sing, even though me myself don't think I have the best voice. But if I find the right songs that fits my voice perfect, I want to sing forever. Since I'm kinda shy, I don't want to sing when someone is in the house, mom is ok, but nobody else. So I hope I'm all alone tomorrow so I can sing, I really miss it. I haven't been singing for a very long time. It's like I have abstinence haha. Or I can sing tonight, I'm sure I can't sleep this night either so music sounds like a good thing to pass the time with.

The first song I'm gonna sing is Ronan Keating-Baby can I hold you tonight, I can't wait to do that! It's like forever I go that I did that. But you can say baby, baby can I hold you tonight? Maybe if I told you the right words, at the right time, you'd be mine.

What happend?

I can't stop thinking about all those things so I just have to write it down, then maybe I will be able to get it out of my system. I had this thing going on with a guy a while ago..more like 3-4 months ago. We had been talking for several years and we were like best friends. We could talk about everything and we understood each others jokes. We had a great friendship and we both new there was something more to it. I wrote him, explaining how I felt and he wrote back saying that he didn't know how he felt but that he likes me a lot. After that things was a little awkward but we still talked like normal. I had known that I was in love with him since the summer of 2oo9 and in Januray 2010 I felt my feelings started to cool of. In March i wrote to him asking what he would say if I met someone else and got together with him. He answerd that he would be happy for me and then he wrote again saying that his answer was ''confusing'' cause he was doing something else when he was texting, but he hoped that I understood him. That was when I knew I was done with him. He has done that before you know. And I know that you know that you are through with a guy when he says that he would be happy if you met someone else..

I also started to hate all his questions, like; what are you doing? what did you do yesterday? how are you today? what are your plans för this weekend, next week? Maybe it's weird but we are friends on facebook and I write there everyday and he reads my blog were I write everything, WHY does he have to ask me same questions everyday on msn when it is black on white on facebook and my blog!?

On facebook we have had like a little ''poke battle'' or what you could call it but ever since we like stoped talking non of us have poked each other. But now he has started again. He doesn't even write to me on msn anymore, why is he poking me on facebook? I don't know why I am upset over all this.. but ever since he ''broke me'' as a person I took my feelings and locked them away somewhere inside of me. Sounds weird? Yeah I know, but somehow I know that my feelings are inside there somewhere, I just don't know if I ever want them to come up to the surface again..

Would you do that?

I've been thinking a little about my post ''You'd risk it all-no matter what may come, when you love someone.'' Yes, I still think that ''Anything'' is inportant in a relationship but would you do everything and anything at home because your boyfriend/husband says so? I believe in split the responsibility in the home. If you cook, he can do the dishes. If you wash all your clothes and then iron them he can clean the house/apartment. But of course, you will also clean the house/apartment together to make it fair. You shouldn't just talk to your significant other like you are his or hers boss. Just make it fair and hopefully there will be no fights.

In the arms of an angel

What a wonderful day it have been! I actually put on my bikini and laid me down in the grass to tan. And the rest of the day I have been walking around in just a top and shorts. I love it! First it is winter from December 13t to the first week in May and then the summer comes immediatly, we don't even have the chance to feel just a little of the spring weather. But I don't mind, I have been waiting for the summer forever! Now it's here, yay!

I think I'm gonna go out again now, it's not so warm when you're not in he sun. That's when you wish for your hubby. So you can be In the arms of your angel.

You'd risk it all - no matter what may come, When you love someone

When you love someone..you'll do anything. Really, think about it, you actually will do anything. First you'll do anything to keep it a secret, then you'll do anything to catch Mr.Perfect and at last, you'll do anything and everything to make it last forever. The word 'Anything' means almost as much as the word 'Love', I said almost. Look at it this way; you can ask your boyfriend/husband ''Can you do me a favour?'' and he will answer ''Anything for you honey.'' And when you're having a fight someone will eventually say ''Come one, I would do anything for you, anytime but I will not.....whatever it may be that him or you wouldn't do for your sweetheart. Like stop hanging out with your friends so much, stop promising your annoying and messy cousin that he/she can crash at your place anytime or something else that you will not do for the man/woman you love.

And even though there is this word 'Anything' it all comes back to love. If you love someone you can go through hell together and still be as in love as you were before. Love is a wonderful feeling, one that you can't measure with any other feeling in the world. Especially when you are newly in love....

You've given me everything

Sometimes I wonder, how much do people actually give you? Isn't there this saying ''We never touch people so lightly that we don't leave a trace''? I believe that is true. For starter, my siblings have been given me everything, the world. I'm the youngest in my family so I'm everybodys little sister. My siblings helps me when I need help, they give me rides when I'm going somewhere, they call and asks if I want to hang out and they invite me to partys. I know what you think, her siblings invites her to drink?! Maybe they do, but I see it as i learn how it is. How drunk people acts and how much alcohol can harm you. I can honestly say that I have been drinking many times and I have been drunk but I believe that teenagers need to learn their lesson on their own. I don't say that you should encourage teenagers to drink but you shouldn't be angry with them if they do. Maybe they learned their lesson that one time and will never do it again. Or they will continue, we don't know.

But this wasn't what I was suppose to talk about. I talked about my siblings.. I love them even if we fight sometimes. But we are still siblings, together, connected forever. And as I said, they have been given me everything and they will continue to do that the rest of all our lives. As my parents, everyone gives me something. WE NEVER TOUCH PEOPLE SO LIGHTLY THAT WE DON'T LEAVE A TRACE.

Second hand

Do you ever buy anything second hand? I know some people think second hand clothes is disgusting or not cool at all. I like second hand a lot but I don't have the opportunity to go buy anything second hand just like that. I mean, we have a little second hand basement here but it's only clothes for older people there. I know that some of those clothes are cool sometimes but the clothes in that basement are not my style. In the beginning when they started that second hand basement thing I actually bought a pyjamas with Winnie the pooh and piglet and I still have the pyjama t-shirt. I know, but it's so cute even though it's too big.

I'm gonna go on a flea market this week, I just don't know which day yet. It's here all week so maybe I'll go thursday or friday with S. Lovely!

Gordon says, Hi!

So, this isn't completely new to me. I have another blog that is available for my family but I've always wanted a blog where I can write whatever I want without hurting anyone or get in an awkward position. A simple 'I love you' can be very weird to say here where I live. We don't say that as much(or at all) here as you do in the states for example. Maybe it's a shame, I don't know, but I would feel a little awkward saying 'I love you' to my parents. I say it to my friends all the time and to my cats but not to my parents. Is that weird? What do you think?

You have my age..and that's probably the only thing you got of me so far. But I would like to keep my real name a mystery and where I live to. All I can say is that I live in Europe, that's why my english may suck majorly sometimes. You just have to learn to live with, just kidding. Please tell me if you think my english is good or bad. I really wants to know you opinion.

This is all from me now, I promise that I will update often, kill me if I don't.